Monday, December 26, 2011

Because I Know You're All Wondering

I know everyone on Facebook is just dying to know what happened, or why it happened, or how it happened. Frankly, I’m still trying to convince myself it even happened at all. It was so awesome, and different, and real. But, so very fast. Over before I could even grab onto it. I find myself, once again, whispering Kim’s famous last words... “so close”. Well, close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. And, while I feel like throwing both, this was not that kind of game.


In truth, it wasn’t a game at all. Which only makes my loss all the more bitter. I can’t shrug and say “can’t win ‘em all” then forget about it. I tried this time. I mean, really tried. Made effort, opened up, didn’t lie, tried new things, and made changes I never dreamed I’d be willing to think about, let alone actually go through with. But, in the end it didn’t matter.


Truly, it’s my own fault.


But! I’m already ahead of myself and none of you know what I’m talking about. So, let me go back just a touch and shed some light on why I’m alone. Again.


For this blog’s purposes we’ll call him Boy From the Musical. That’s where we met, in case you were wondering. We met, we talked, we hit it off, things were fine. Then one little sentence changes everything. EVERYTHING. He says to me “I’d seriously consider dating you, if you were active in the church.”


What...? Are you kidding me with this?! You cannot possibly be serious.

A. Are you serious?

B. I’m perfectly happy NOT going to church, thank you very much

C. Are you serious?

D. It’s dating, you’re not asking me to marry you

E. Really, are you serious?


Well, I liked him. More than I should have, really. So, I proceed to plead my non-active status case to him. My plan being to lawyer my way into his heart, be together for awhile, and then go our separate ways. Nothing too serious. We’re young. An expiration date was fine with me. In fact, IT WAS THE PLAN. So, that’s what I try to do. In retrospect, that’s the moment I should have walked away. I thought it then, actually. He was understanding, but solid. He wanted to date an active church girl, and I’m not one. I knew to end it right then and there, or I was going to get into trouble. “Walk away, Kim. Be done right now, you’re at a stalemate, just let him go.” I didn’t want anything long term with him, I should have checked out. However, I liked him. There was something different about him. He was... a good one. And, I knew that.


So, I thought about it. And, thought about it. Then, I thought about it even more. This guy had such conviction, but I didn’t want the things he wanted. I only wanted him. He made me laugh. I was comfortable around him. I wasn’t “on show” when I was with him. I was me. The guy was smart, and could dress himself (very well, might I add) and... wait a minute. He’s got a lot going for him. Next thing I know, I can’t get him out of my head. He was stuck there. Something was pulling me to him, telling me to fight for him. And, I knew there was only one way to do that.


So, the next time I see him, I tell him I’ll go to church.


What?! What am I doing?! Choosing a religion for a guy who hasn’t even asked me out yet? I AM A CRAZY PERSON. But! I was honest about it with him. I told him point blank “I’m doing this for you.” I wanted him to know he was the reason, that I was doing it to make him happy.


Here I am, a month later, with new found faith and no boy. I absolutely loathe a hypocrite. So, I boxed up all other religious items I had that got me by in terms of “spirituality". I sent away all my immodest clothes. Coffee drinking, including decaf, is out. Can you imagine?! Kim without a cup of coffee? Believe it, readers. I even started reading (for the first time in my life, I’ll have you know) the Book of Mormon. Finished it in a week and a half.


And, you know what? I feel good. Better than good, actually. I’m working hard, and am loving every minute of it. I’ve learned there are things I want, that I didn’t even know I wanted. If that makes any sense to anyone. I believe this church now, more than I did the entire time I was active, it feels like.


But, I’m still alone.


Don’t get me wrong. I’m wholeheartedly grateful for the incredible things, both old and new, that I have in my life. I see many more of my blessings now, and I’m finding more to be thankful for everyday. But, I’m still sad.


Boy From the Musical and I dated for a little while. Casually for the most part. For five whole days we were “official” if that means anything. He’s gone now, though. He leaves for school quite soon, and wanted to keep it an “open relationship” while he was away. And, while that is more than understandable, I can’t. I don’t have it in me. While, I’d love to be a girl who can date more than one guy, and only have her feelings partially involved, I’m not that girl. If I have feelings for someone, whether we’re together or not, I don’t even want to look at another. No one will be as good as that someone. All will pale in comparison. That’s just who I am. I’m loyal, if you want me to be or not.


So, we walked away from each other. And, it’s horrible. I went into this thing fully expecting short term. I learned along the way, however, that to not have Boy From the Musical in my life would be a terrible thing. Unimaginable, rather. Yet, here I am. Questioning whether finding someone to hold my hand through life is something I’ll ever know. My faith in the Lord, albeit new, is rock solid. I only wonder if he doesn’t have anyone for me. Maybe His plan for me is to be “me” and not a “we”. I’m rapidly approaching the deadline for old maid-hood. I hope and I pray that I won’t be without someone for very long, or forever, though. I’m trying to stick with the faith that there is someone even better for me (if that’s at all possible, Boy From the Musical was pretty amazing).


Any who, that’s the gist of why Kim and Boy From the Musical didn’t make it. I’m sad about it, and I miss him dearly. But, I’m fine. I’ve got extra help now.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Sometimes, Sad Things Happen

This is an incredibly personal entry, so please forgive me. Earlier today I said goodbye to a brilliant friendship. We lasted two years being apart and living at opposite ends of the country. But, sometimes... friendships just don't last.

It's quite sad, really. We both tried the best we could. I guess life got in the way. Her life got too stressful, and my life became to sad. Due to the circumstances of our situations, we weren't able to help each other and got hurt. The insurmountable pain that comes with losing your best friend to something beyond your control is not something even I can put into words. Maybe if our problems had run consecutively instead of concurrently, things would have turned out differently. But, they didn't. So we said goodbye.

I was honest in how I felt, I did the best I could, it wasn't enough, though. And, my soul is just sick because of it. It never crossed my mind that my best friend and I could have an expiration date. I don't think it crossed anyone's mind. I would say it's the end of an era, but it's so much more than that. It's the death of something beautiful.

We met while I was living in Florida, and were near inseparable. Closer than sisters. Two kids whom the world didn't understand, but they understood one another. We were each other's breath of fresh air. I almost didn't move home because of her. I couldn't imagine not seeing her everyday. We went a year apart. Speaking on the phone or the internet at least weekly. I visited, and it was like one were never away from the other. We knew we would be okay. We had each other. Until this summer. I lost a lot this summer. And, today I added a best friend to the list. We said goodbye.

There's still a little smile in my heart, though. We had some amazing (amazing isn't a big enough word) memories. For a long time I had a partner in crime. I don't think I'll find anyone to geek out with to the level in which she could. She's the reason I read the Harry Potter books, and I will be forever grateful to her. No one will discuss fantasy novels (or books at all, for that matter) in such a stimulating way as she does. She get so tickled when I made "fry sauce" all the time. I had a pirate birthday party for my 24th. It was fun. She threw it for me. Put the whole thing together. Her and I had a very convincing way of proving that Cinderella and her step sister Drizella were the best of friends. We even had a costume Christmas party. Like I said... Quite an amazing slew of memories. I guess you could say we had a good run.

I will miss her. I already do. I wish her all the best in the world. And, I hope she continues to write, she had some great ideas. I'm confident she'll find the love she's looking for. I'm not worried about her. She's pretty stubborn, and will claw her way out of her current unfortunate situations. I do hope she'll think of me from time to time, and maybe smile. I know I won't forget her. We had a beautiful friendship. Although we may be going our separate ways, I'll treasure the things she's taught me, and she'll always have a place in my heart.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

A New Post!

I feel like, since I started my other blog, this little internet space hasn't seen as much love. So! I've decided to post a little ditty, just to say hello to you all, and to keep my mad blogging skills sharp. Woot woot.

Not a whole lot has happened in my life since my last "update". I do finally have my own room, which I thank the gods for. My mom and I have done quite a bit of work on her house. Sorting, cleaning, furniture moving, ect... We're actually starting to see some progress, which is encouraging.

I'm attending childbirth classes with my sister. They talk about a lot of uncomfortable things, not much of which is relevent to my life, but I am learning some interesting things. I got to say, though, the videos aren't the best. The videos I saw in 10th grade health class were much more gruesome. Oh well. Aly is doing just fine. Two more months and my niece will be here. Very exciting.

As I stated earlier, I started a new blog. I'm sure most of you have heard already. I'm quite proud of it. I'm writing at least four times a week, which is really good for me. Keeping the juices flowing, if you know what I mean. If you haven't wandered over there yet, please do. It's all about me trying to find beauty in everyday occurances. As you all know, I've taken quite a few beatings these past few months, and the new blog is a place for me to look harder, and see that good things still exist. Sometimes it doesn't seem like there is any light left in the world, and this blog proves you can still find hope, if you know how to look. Any who, The Beauty in Thought is a nice (no hate) blog, where I can contribute a little happy into the universe. Click here to see what's going on over there.

There you have it friends... Evie, Sphinx, Maggie, Betta Fish, Willie, Honey, Chewey, Tucker and I say "hello!"

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Bruised, Blistered, and Broken

I hate moving. Hate. It.

My arms and legs are covered in little (and some rather large) black and purple spots. My feet haven't taken this kind of beating since my pointe work days. Having to both pack and move in three days was frightening. However, I finally have all of my belongings out of Utah. An entire life is now in storage.

Unfortunately, it wasn't without tears. One very important piece of my heart had to be left behind. My grandma. She rapidly lost her house a few weeks ago, and lost something far more important along with it. Due to swollen blood vessels in her brain, most of her memory is gone. In two weeks time, a little confusion (not sure what year it is) escalated to to total disorientation (not recognizing her house, pets, and family members). She's improved since then, but with the loss of her home, and her not able to live alone, decisions had to be made.

And they were. My aunt told my mom to look at care centers and other options in Idaho. We did, and with a promising lead. We found a single wide, great looking, mobile home Grandma and I could live in, on my mom's property. We phone my aunt, tell her my grandma can live with absolutely zero bills, and surrounded by family, instead of in an "assisted living" facility. Well... the dream was killed when my aunt informed us they (her and my previously mentioned uncle) found an apartment for her for only about $1000 a month. She makes only a few more hundred a month with her social security, and has four dogs. Not a single pet is welcomed at the new place. She tells us it's no problem, one of the dogs can live with her, one can go to the neighbor, and the other two can just be put down.

True story.

My mom, sister, and I beat feet to SLC and stole the dogs.

My aunt and uncle sold most of my grandma's things and they moved into the new apartment yesterday. They took her phone and won't let her call me. The entire time I was packing, Grandma kept saying "please take me with you", "what am I going to do when you leave?". The dogs started barking and she panicked telling me "Scotty is going to kill them", one night we took her to a hotel because she was so afraid during one of my uncle's tirades.

I tell you... this whole situation is 100% bullshit. I don't know if she's upset, I don't know if she's safe, I don't know if she's healthy. I know nothing. And, I'm totally helpless. I'm not one to normally ask this but, to those of you who pray, if you could send a little one on behalf of my grandma, I'd appreciate it. She doesn't deserve to live in fear, but she is. And, it's breaking my heart.

I'd also like to extend another thank you to Garrett for helping me move my stuff up all those stairs. You're a hero. Also, the people from my mom's church for helping us unload. Champions, all of you.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Day 21: Turn On's and Turn Off's

Turn on's include but are not limited to:

  • Deep smile lines
  • Suits
  • Shiny eyes
  • Certain accents
  • Intelligence
  • Strong, firm jaw
  • Confidence
  • Musical instrument playing
  • Comedic style

Turn off's and/or possible deal breakers:

  • Animal allergies
  • Taking longer than me to get ready
  • Liking certain football teams
  • Being mean to animals
  • Not knowing what you want
  • Lying
  • Thinking I'm not "tough enough"
  • Too clingy

Day 20: Concerts You Have Attended

This is where you're going to roll your eyes. Get ready for it. Seriously, stretch first.

Music is very important to me. I listen to it. I love it.

But, not in any sort of "normal" way. My favorite genres would be film scores and classical. Enough of the stalling, on to the list.

  1. My first concert I attended was Lee Greenwood. I was two-ish years old and it was at the Utah State fair. He blew me a kiss.
  2. Next was Billy Ray Cyrus. I was nine and in the third grade. He was my idol. Because of that, he will always have a special place in my heart.
  3. After that came Garth Brooks. (Can you tell I was raised on country music?) I sat with my cousin Andrea and school chum Jenna. We were 12 or 13, I don't remember exactly. Any who, he put on a good show.
  4. Since I got the aforementioned school chum a ticket to Garth Brooks, she scored me a ticket to the Brooks & Dunn/Reba McEntire concert. I had a ball, because Reba was very important to me. Still is. There's even a rather legitimate chance I'm related to her. For reals.
  5. Now we move into the boy band phase. Excited?! Okay. N'SYNC. I only got to see the last half of the encore. Why, you ask? Excellent question. We got tickets months in advance, and I learned later that I had a rehearsal. This was during my ballet dancer years, and the rehearsal was deemed "VERY IMPORTANT". So, I did my dancer duty and went to rehearsal. Lame. I shouldn't have, the rehearsal hardly involved me and I was pissed. But! You gotta do what you gotta do. I rushed to the concert late, and missed the entire show. I did enjoy the limo ride home with my girls, though.
  6. N'SYNC again. This time, I saw the whole show, and we were about 15th row on the ground. We had a freaking blast. I wore my wristband for weeks.
  7. Chris LeDoux. My mom rodeoed with him in Europe decades (did you hear that Mom? I said decades) ago. So, we've always been fans.
  8. One more for Chris LeDoux. He didn't sing Copenhagen this time around. So after the show, people who brought Copenhagen cans threw them at the stage anyway. My mom chucked hers right into a security guard. Awesome.
  9. December of 2007 I was taken to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert. My hell, what a show. Those people redefine epic. I'm bummed I have yet to see Beethoven's Last Night. However, this show was so much fun. I felt on top of the world. My friend Chaz and I had the time of our lives and will never forget it.

Thus ends my list. It's a little sad, but I don't think I'm really bothered by it. Concerts aren't really my thing. I enjoyed every single one of them, but I'm pretty content about my lack of concert attendance.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Day 19: A List of All the Places You've Lived

Ripon, California

West Valley, Utah

Sandy, Utah

West Jordan, Utah

South Jordan, Utah

Riverton, Utah

Midvale, Utah

Davenport, Florida

Orlando, Florida

Aberdeen, Idaho

And, I think that's it.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Day 18: Name the TV Show You've Become Addicted to

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Don't judge me!

I freaking love this show.

I grew up on My Little Ponies. I wanted to live with them. They were my best friends. When this new generation pooped up, I wasn't sure I liked their new design. Then (thanks to a few MLP tumblrs, which are awesome) I found the screencaps hilarious, and a nice use of animation. So, I checked into it, and decided to watch a few episodes. I thought it was... nice. They were okay, not terrific. Then, Pinkie Pie showed up. OH MY HELL. She makes the show. Her randomness is flawless, and she makes perfect sense by not making any sense. If that makes any sense...

After I understood the dynamic and the way each pony contributes, I fell in love. I also love the way it's funny, but not in a crude, or demeaning way. So many shows for kids these days are obnoxious, loud, and disrespectful. Young people get enough of that in the real world. Let's show them some fun, and beauty.

And, Pinkie Pie is funny.


Sunday, June 26, 2011

Day 17: What Do You Want to Be When You Get Older?

I'm going to do this in list form, if you don't mind.

When I was a small child:

  • Zookeeper
  • Waitress
  • Dancer
  • Singer
  • Roller skater

High school/young adult years:

  • Actress
  • Fashion designer
  • Private investigator
  • Lawyer
  • Dancer
  • Writer

Stuff I've actually gone to school for:

  • Film
  • Anthropology/archeology
  • Law
  • Graphic design

Things I REALLY want to be:

  • Superhero
  • Spy
  • Paranormal researcher
  • Museum curator
  • Writer
  • Rock star
  • Pirate

I guess you could say I'm a little indecisive.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Friday, June 24, 2011

Day 15: A Photo of Someone You Fancy at the Moment

Allow me to paint a picture with words. (To protect his identity, of coarse)

Fair of hair, light of eyes, nice build. Funny, personable, happy.

Hot.

Lives far away from me, now.

Has no idea I pine for him. (Ha!)

... May have a girlfriend*

Specific enough for you?


*Does have a girlfriend

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Day 14: Provide Pictures of Five Celbrity Crushes

Daniel Craig
Ewan McGregor
David Bowie/Jareth the Goblin King
Heath Ledger
David Tennant


Enjoy the eye candy, ladies!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Day 13: Three Confessions of Your Choice

  1. One time, when I was a small child, I broke a plastic hanger when my family and I were at Sears. I thought they were going to send me to jail. So I cried.
  2. I can not get enough HGTV
  3. Senior year of high school, I had a crush on a boy (who people told me looked like Harry Potter, which I didn't see then, but see now) and I rigged the instrumental music secret santa drawing so I could be his secret santa. It didn't help. He still didn't notice me.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Monday, June 20, 2011

Day 11: Your Favorite Quote

For quite sometime it's been:
And although I'm having trouble letting go of it, lately I've been obsessed with the poem Invictus by William Ernest Henely:

I also try to live by this, however I suck at it:


Day 10: If You Could Only Live Off of One Food and One Beverage for the Rest of Your Days, What Would They Be?

I would have to say a burger and fries (that counts as one food, I promise) because that's my go to/default order. When I'm at a new restaurant, or don't know what I want, I go with a burger, simply because I know I'm going to like it; and I ALWAYS want fries. Always.

Coffee would be my beverage of choice. Like you didn't know that. It's freaking perfection.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Day 9: Pet Peeves

I have many, MANY, pet peeves. Some of which I'm silent about, others I repeat to the world over and over again.

Let's start with an easy one... The new opening to Doctor Who. *Unpopular opinion time!!* I'm rapidly losing my fondness for Amy Pond. Not necessarily her as a character, (although I don't think, nor ever have thought she deserves Rory) but this whole "turn Doctor Who into the Amy Pond show" is trying my patience. After the show's opening scene when it's supposed to cut to the credit sequence and I hear "when I was a little girl..." instead, it's all I can do to not just shut it off and leave the room. Instant hate. I'm over it. The show is titled Doctor Who not Amy Pond-Loser Face.

I understand if any of you unfollow me due to the above rant.

Another skin crawling annoyance I have is when people forget there are two sides to every story. Especially in "entertainment news" (which I loathe) and politics. I tend to steer away from such topics, anyway. I find myself wanting to turn it into a debate on human intentions, and the arguer's narrow perspectives, which people frown upon. So, I keep my mouth shut. I don't like to hurt people's feelings, and calling their interests ignorant, and their opinions mean, often leads to injured pride. I'm not in the business of being an asshole. Well, I try not to be...

Sometimes people have this little habit of using the same joke over, and over, and over, and over, and over... Leave it alone people! There are several of my family members of which I can predict what they're going to say in response to something, only because they use that "joke" a hundred times a day. Get some new material. Please! I beg you!

Don't eat my food. I'll kill you dead. That's all I need to say on that one.

I really hate loaning my stuff out. Really. I'm not sure if it's because I'm afraid to get it back, or if I think you're going to wreck whatever I give you... I don't know. I just don't like doing it.

You know when you go to the bathroom (stay with me, I'm not going to get gross) and you reach over... and THERE IS NO TOILET PAPER. Yup. How hard is it to just put a new roll in the dispenser?! I don't understand! It's so disrespectful to care only about your own butt and not the butts of others! Ever heard of common courtesy?! Yeah... You're doing it wrong. WRONG.

Well, I can really go on for days... but, I'm just going to leave you with these choice few pet peeves, and release you to go about your day.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Day 8: Three Things You Want to Say to Different People

Jessie- I love you and I know you're going through a tough time right now. However, if you pull that shit again I'm going to kill you myself. Love ya :)

Future Niece- You're awesome. Keep being awesome. Don't worry. I'll teach you how.

Captain Jas Hook- I'm here and I'm single. Now is your chance...

Day 7: Do You Read? What are Your Favorite Books?

Bah ha ha! Do I read?!

Duh.

Yes, I read. Too much, usually. So much, in fact, that it's not uncommon for me to be reading more than one book at a time. Right now I'm reading The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and I'm about to start The Catcher in the Rye. Very excited about both.

Some of my favorites include, but are not limited to:

Lord of the Rings

The Once and Future King

The Vampire Lestat

Neverending Story

The Adventures of a Notorious Youth, Capt. Hook

I also enjoyed the Harry Potter, the Inheritance cycle, the Song of Ice and Fire series, the Alchemist... I could go on for days.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Day 6: What Band or Musician is Most Important to You?

Gah! I'm not picking just one. Not. Doing. It.

In random order:

David Bowie

The Beatles

Billy Joel

The Spice Girls

Elton John

Michael Jackson

Day 5: Five Places You Want to Visit

Only five?! I'll try.

Scotland, I think, would be first on the list. Just because I feel like I belong there. I have a bumper sticker (the entire length of my bumper) that reads "real men wear kilts". I can not tell you how many time I've caught people snapping cell phone pics of the back of my car. It's alright, though. Fredrick likes the attention.

England is on "the list". I would love it there. I feel like they know how to live. They do it right.

France. So I can eat bread and look at art.

Egypt. Pyramids. Valley of the Kings. Cairo Museum.

Italy. Food. Art. Food. More food.

Well, shit. I've reached my five already! Dammit. I didn't get to India, or the Cayman Islands, Greece or Canada. I want to go on an Alaskan cruise too!

Ha ha. I cheated. I listed more than five...

Monday, June 13, 2011

Day 4: The Meaning Behind Your Blog Name

My Tumblr and Blogspot "name" is KimmySoo. To reveal the personal meaning this name has we have to go back... Way back.

Picture, if you will, a wee little 7th grader called Kim. It's the first day of middle school. (Yes, in Utah middle school doesn't start until 7th grade; I have no idea why they feel the need to do that) She's nervous and knows not one person in her homeroom class. She decided not to attend the same middle school all of her fellow classmates from elementary school flew off to.

She wanted new opportunities. New opportunities and better safety. There was quite a high violence and gang rating at her "in range" middle school. So, she chose elsewhere.

Anywho... Sitting in front of the wide eyed, freaked out, little girl was a blond girl.

Andrea Bowen.

I will never forget Andrea Bowen. Lots of golden hair, gathered in a ponytail, glasses, short, but spicy. She wasn't one to be pushed around. She enjoyed laughing, though. She quickly introduced herself to me, then asked my name.

"Kim" I told her.

Well... that wasn't cool enough I guess. Throughout the next week, she took to adding the extra m and y. But, that still wasn't good enough. At the end of the week, I walked into class, sat down and was greeted by miss Andrea Bowen.

"Hey there Kimmy Sue!"

"Hey, Andrea. Sue isn't my middle name" I answered, giggling. I was beginning to figure her out, and learned when in doubt, laugh.

Shaking her head Andrea Bowen only said "I don't care. I like it and will call you that from now on."

That she did, too.

I went home that afternoon, and told my family about my new friend Andrea Bowen, and her nickname for me. They found it hilarious, and started referring to me as their Kimmy Sue.

Well, I'm a bit of an odd duck. I enjoyed the name, don't get me wrong. However, I was still troubled by the fact that my middle name is not, nor ever has been, Sue. I felt quite conflicted with my middle name conundrum.

So what do I do? I make it my own. Change the ue to oo. Soo.

I like it!

Let's sum up!

Kim=Kimmy=Kimmy Sue=Kimmy Soo

Now, here I am, 26 years old and I'm still referred to as Kimmy Soo. It stuck. I use it for most "username" scenarios.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Day 3: Your Day in Great Detail

I awoke this morning quite naturally. No noises. No urge to pee. No alarm. Wait... No alarm. What?! Why didn't it go off? It wakes me up everyday. EVERYDAY.

What happened? What did I miss? What am I late for? Oh right.

Nothing.

Hey, there's coffee! Awesome.

Well... Look at that. I accidentally turned off the repeat feature on my phone's alarm clock. Cool. All fixed now. What's going on on Tumblr?

Hmm... A bit quiet. My Little Pony on the tele for background noise? Perfect.

Facebook.

Tumblr

Tumblr. Tumblr. Tumblr

Email.

That sure was fun. Cinnamon rolls for breakfast sounded fun too. Mmm.

Still hungry.

Cereal.

Clanging in the kitchen signifies Mom is doing some dishes. Good. Good. Decide to empty dishwasher. While placing items in their correct cabinet (which wasn't easy, I'm new here) I noticed the lack of garbage bag in garbage. Better write down that were out.

I figured I may as well make an actual grocery list.

Aaaaaand, done. Good looking list.

Tumblr again.

Movie with mom. Knight and Day with Cruise and Diaz. Eh, not the best, but it had a moment or two.

Mom suggested watching another movie. What movie do I choose? Muppets from Space.

'Cause I'm sophisticated like that.

Ate a Twinkie. It was delicious.

At this point, tea was what I needed. Lazy Sundays require tea.

What kind... what kind... what kind...? Oooh! Blueberry!

Divine.

Now I'm back on Tumblr (don't judge) drinking tea, and waiting for the Tony's to begin. Neil Patrick Harris! I am excite!

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Day 2: 10 Likes & Dislikes

Likes-

  1. Classic Art
  2. Elaborate architecture
  3. Flowers
  4. Warm summer nights
  5. Men in suits
  6. Stars
  7. Batman
  8. Pirates/skull and cross bones
  9. Thunderstorms
  10. Jackets with hoods

Dislikes-

  1. Being cold
  2. "The media"
  3. Wearing pink
  4. Renewing my car registration
  5. Driving through construction
  6. "New" country music
  7. Vegetables
  8. Wet socks
  9. Places that are too loud
  10. The overuse of sarcasm

Friday, June 10, 2011

Day 1: Write Some Basic Things About Yourself

I could just copy/paste either of my blog "descriptions", but that's sort of a cheater's way to start off a writing challenge. Not that I'm opposed to cheating, I do that a lot (not in relationships, mind you).

Any who, I usually start with something along the lines of: I'm just a girl who likes to write stuff. While that is completely true, I feel it only describes me professionally, not so much personally. I do write. Not as much as I used to, but I'm on my way back to writing on a regular basis. That's where this challenge will hopefully come in.

But, I digress. Let's start with a few "basic" facts.

  1. I'm a 26 year old lady
  2. My hair is usually deep brown, but is currently reddish brown
  3. My eyes are reminiscent of chocolate drops
  4. Single
  5. Childless
  6. Caretaker of two cats, a dog, and a fish
  7. Newest resident of Idaho

I like to read, watch movies and television, and spend far too much of my day onTumblr. I listen to music a lot of people don't listen to, and not even in a hipster way. The iPod is packed to the brim with movie scores and Disney music. IN MY DEFENSE: words usually don't cut it for me, when I'm in certain emotional states, and I used to work for Disney. (Yes, I was in entertainment, and no, I can't give you many details)

I have a loud family. I spend a lot of time with said loud family. If I ever take a dude to meet them, they will hate him and I've come to terms with that. We don't like "outsiders". Huh... Sounds like I'm in a mob family.

I'm not. But, my crew is bad ass in their own way.

I'm an avid watcher of Doctor Who, Friends, Project Runway, Food Challenge, The Office, Big Bang Theory, House Hunter's International, Fraiser, any British comedy, and... that's all I can think of on the spot.

My favorite movie is Moulin Rouge!, followed by Stay, Almost Famous, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, Labyrinth, Star Wars, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Burn After Reading, and a hundred thousand Disney movies.

I like outer space, theater, NASCAR, polar bears, coffee, flowers, pirates, fashion, football, black lace, dolphins, and my favorite color is green.

I'm in love with the following men: Captain Hook, Jareth the Goblin King, Darth Vader, The Phantom of the Opera, Jaime Lannister, Lestat, and James Bond.

I feel the need to mention my love of coffee again.

Coffee.

What else...? I used to dance, I can tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue, lightening is one of my best friends, and ravens spy on me.

Also, I'm a crazy person.

Challenge Accepted!

Day one starts today. I need some motivation to write more, and I think this is just the ticket. Enjoy!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Esto Perpetua

Let it be perpetual. The official state motto of Idaho. Not bad...

Well, I made it safe and sound to the new residence of Aberdeen Idaho. So did Sphinx, Maggie, Evie, and Betta Fish. They were freaking troopers. Poor Betta Fish had to ride in a cup holder. But! We made it. We're here.

It's going to be a bit dodgy for this first little while (three people, two bedrooms, one bathroom) but it shouldn't be too long until it's more... comfortable. Honestly, though, it's not at all horrible.

I'm still working on feeling better. Trying my best to settle myself down. Sometimes I feel like a sort of refugee. Running for the hills of Idaho. Oh well. It's fine.

This isn't meant to be a long post. Only a quick "hello, from the state of perpetual-ness."

That is all.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Homewrecker

So! Change of plans. Again.

The job didn't work out. Long story short: they put me in danger, and they put their patients in danger, and I don't support that. So I left. But, it's fine. I have a new career.

Homewrecker.

I'm very good at it so far. I've managed to make a lot of family members angry without even trying. Finally! I've found something I'm good at!

Allow me to fill you in. For the last year, my MIA uncle resurfaced and has been living with Grandma and I. Alright. Fine. Then, Grandma had the scary surgery and the rigorous recovery. All of a sudden I'm stupid. According to the intruding uncle, I know nothing about Grandma, don't know the first thing about caring for people in their mature phase of life, and have no clue how to "run the house" while Grandma is out of commission. Let's look back over the last few years, shall we?
  1. I've lived with Grandma almost all of my 26 years. Not a single day has gone by in which I haven't spoken to her. Not one. We know each other inside and out.
  2. Who was here when Grandpa got so ill? Who was there everyday at the hospital with him? Who moved home to help him and spend time with him? Oh right. Not you. That was Kim.
  3. One of our little poodles (whom I picked out when I was 15, by the way) is diabetic. I'm pretty sure I've been one of his "caregivers" for years. Also, if I'm not mistaken, I've been a member of the household for years. I think... I think... I know how things work.
You can determine for yourself my qualifications to help Grandma out, like I was already doing. However, another has found me unfit to fulfill such duties. That's fine. I'll take a step back and let you try to work off some of the guilt you have for not being here, and not giving a rat's ass for however many decades you decided you no longer wanted to be a part of this family. (Woah... I guess I am upset. Look at that run on sentence!) You can kiss Grandma's tush all you want. It'll probably work. Let me rephrase, it did work. She's wrapped around your precious little finger. But, like I said, that's fine.

What's NOT fine, however, is your "attitude". Your anger and rage are unsatisfactory. Examples include, but are not limited to:
  1. You've thrown my cat
  2. You've yelled at our timid, afraid, once highly abused dog
  3. I once had to separate you from my mom's dog when you had your hand around his throat.
In what universe are any of these behaviors deemed acceptable?!

But, I digress. The point is, I've made my case to Grandma on several occasions. I've stated my discomfort and feelings of being unsafe. I said unsafe. Who deserves to feel unsafe in their own home? No one. I've felt afraid in my house for a year now. But, Grandma made her choice. He's still here, and "she said he wouldn't be".

She lied.

So, I'm out. She chose him. The one person in this whole giant planet I thought would always be my teammate left me. I didn't think I could feel such a sense of betrayal. Especially from her. I just feel as though my foundations have been shattered. I don't know how to even view the world anymore.

Oh! I forgot the best part. Another family member or two now hates my guts. Because of my choice to try and save myself from the road of grief, panic, and irreversible decisions, I must be selfish, spoiled, and mean. Apparently, I don't care about Grandma. I'm horrible and only care about myself.

This is where the homewrecker part comes in. I'm leaving. My mom needs some help getting her house ready for the arrival of my niece. So, heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to Idaho I go. I leave Monday.

One by one, my family will hate me for the decision. Some of them already do. I figure it's only a matter of time. Maybe I am selfish and careless. I suppose I am being reckless with Grandma's feelings. Evidently, there's a price to pay when you run for your life.

Friday, May 20, 2011

20th of May 2011 What if...?

... The world really ends tomorrow.

I know it's cliche.

I started thinking earlier, "if we cut out the jokes, and the bull shit, and really think about it all ending, how would I feel about it?"

Not in a "God/religion/maybe I should repent kind of way", but a" what have I done with my life/am I satisfied with who I am as a person/are there things I would want to say to people" kind of way.

I think I'm content as a person. My personality has brought a lot of laughs and I've helped people out in times of need. Financially I'm a lost cause and/or useless, but I don't think after all is said and done (whatever done means) any dollar amount or material possession will matter. I do wish, however, that I were a little braver. I think that's one of the only things I would change about myself. I wouldn't change the fact that I'm wary of "love" or don't make finding a husband any sort of priority. That's saved me from an ass-load of heartache and I'm at peace with that. I wouldn't change that I follow my instincts in all occasions. I wouldn't change that I'm a good liar and I would definitely keep the fact that I have nice hair.

Yup. Just the courage thing. I would speak up more when things bug me, or ask more questions.

Maybe I would burp less... but probably not.

Also, I'm VERY VERY disappointed (I mean, as disappointed as a person can be!) that an alien party has yet to land and/or make contact. Lame.


Or have they?

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Cha Cha Cha Chaaaanges

Turn and face the strange!! Ah, Bowie. We need to be best friends.

Big things are coming up. A number of changes are going to take place. Shall I rattle them off one by one? Okay!

  1. I got a job! I start Monday and I'm nervous. I'm always nervous when starting a new job. I hate it, frankly. This job, however, is unlike any I've ever had. Cottonwood Treatment Center is the name of my new employer, and I'll be working as a "mental health worker". I figured there was a chance I'd end up in the mental health field. I think I'll be happy doing something legit. I feel this is an important job. Something that's giving back to society and/or helping people. Not going to lie... I'm a little excited.
  2. I'm moving out. As soon as I've got enough cash saved, I'm hoping by mid-June, I'm packing my bags and getting my own place. It will be small, it will be cheap, but it will be mine. Due to some enlightening circumstances within my home life, I've decided it's time to move on.
  3. School has been placed on the back burner. Surprise surprise. It's a decision I didn't really have the privilege of making. It was made for me, by recent events and lack of monies. Hopefully, I'll be back on track by September.
A lot of exciting times are on their way. I'm hoping the universe deals me the same good energy I'm putting forth. The last few months have been ugly ones, and I only want to claw my way towards contentment and a life worth living.

I also feel the need to mention ye olde myth of the Phoenix. All of the crazy and hurt in my life lately has really brought me down. I've found myself in some dark places and wish to be free of them. Fire after theoretical fire, sparking every which way; and it's now time to rise like the ancient Phoenix. Free from the ashes and burns I didn't deserve. Free to take my own flight plan and not one chosen for me.

I bet the sky is pretty up there.

Monday, March 21, 2011

In the Morning Time

6:00 A.M. and I don't see eye to eye.

Court houses are most interesting, but the seats are horribly uncomfortable.

I need coffee.

New phones are fun. However, they do take some getting used to.

Seriously, coffee now.

And, maybe a nap.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Heart Attacks and Parasites.

I've been slightly out of commission lately. Which lead me to remove myself from communications (including social networks). Being not quite ready to enter the world, I'm going to bring my few readers up to speed on the events leading up to said removal. A few things I'm not so willing to speak about, however I'll touch on a few.

My grandma had a heart attack. Two hours later she was in surgery for a triple bypass and a valve replacement. She's never had high cholesterol, her EKG the week before was perfect, and she was in most excellent shape. Needless to say, it shocked us all. The second night after her surgery her lung collapsed, so she headed back to ICU for another day. It was freaking hell. Fear not, she's doing much MUCH better now. They moved her up to the rehab floor and seems to be thriving.

My mom had to unexpectedly go out of town, right before Grandma's cardiac event, leaving me a little shaken with more responsibility than usual. Not to mention, my Uncle had left town shortly after. Sleep was scarce, and time for internet checking just wasn't available.

Things are starting to turn around. My sister has a parasite, most people call it pregnant, and we are very VERY VERY VERY excited about it. I've never wanted to be a mom, but I most definitely want to be an auntie. Seen the movie Practical Magic? Andrea and I are looking forward to being like "The Aunts". What can I say? The kid is pretty loved already.

Alright, that's the best I can update for now. I still have a hundred thousand things to do. I also have to work on phasing myself back into "life".

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Tea!


For my birthday the ladies and I went to afternoon tea at the Grand America Hotel.

We were dressed in our high society wear, complete with gloves, long necklaces, and feathered hairpieces. We really looked the part. The spitting image of class and sophistication. It was quickly learned, however, that we need a few lessons in etiquette (I couldn't stop talking with my mouth full, for instance). A grand time was had that afternoon. (Get it? Grand? Grand America Hotel...? I'm so punny.) Thank you my lovely ladies for an unforgettable day of near poise and grace.


Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Alright... You Asked For It!

Cue the Apocalypse. Kim is hereby posting an excerpt from her short story Kevin. It's a finished work, so it's not likely that anything will be revised, other than typos and such. I don't really know what other preamble to give it, so... Enjoy! (Or don't, you don't have to like it)

Also, it's mine. Any copying of any kind is 100% illegal. Gotta protect my stuffs.


Kevin


Ellis Island.

I’d hardly call it an island. It’s more like a rock dropped in a harbor. It was only big enough to hold the visitor center.

I’m not a visitor. I’m a resident. Bile rises in my throat at the thought of living in such a polluted, over inhabited world.

New York. Not really new, but it sure as hell is new to me. Looking out the window I can see the number of cloud reachers. I wonder if they call them cloud reachers here? They probably have a different name for them. By the looks of all the metal and the smell of the grime in the air, they may refer to them as tall buildings and short buildings. I doubt they have the imagination to come up with an elaborate structure name like “cloud reacher”.

I never thought I’d miss the beauty of home. I spent most of my time indoors. Inside with my electrical processors and a cup of coffee. That was all I ever needed.

Now, though, I’m stuck here. Outside of my tenement. God, I’m probably going to have to talk to other people.

As I walk in no particular direction, I wonder about who will be “collecting” me. The only information I have is my new name, offender number, and that I would be collected at Ellis Island on February 26th. I reread my little identification card again, in case I missed something:


Kevin Brown

#355-27187-51

Earth

Ellis Island 02/26/27


“Great” I mumble to myself, rolling my eyes, “what the hell am I supposed to do now?”

Looking around, hoping for a clue, I see nothing. Just the big empty visitor center. Being on the upper floor, I walk to the railing so I can see the entire establishment. I peer over the edge. In the big open space, down below, are a few groups of people. All of them with a child or two. They must all be visiting. Visiting what, I still don’t know. None of them seem to be paying attention to me, but why would they? Obviously my collector won’t have children with them.

I turn around and rest my elbows on the railing. This waiting is killing me. I feel like that’s all I’ve done since I was arrested. Go here and wait. Go there and wait. Attend your trial and wait. It’s hard to imagine my trial started only two weeks ago. The Magistrate’s words still pound in my ears, over and over again.

Genhuul Fyx you have been found guilty of intentional murder by other means on all accounts. I can give you to a life sentence in an improvement environment. However, due to your complete lack of remorse and utter failure to gain a conscious throughout this entire ordeal, I am sentencing you to fifty years on Earth. After which you can begin conditional release proceedings. I hope, for your sake Mr. Fyx, that while imprisoned on Earth, you gain some humanity. For you are without. Enforcers, ready him for transport. Get this creature out of my sight.”

It was like a theme park automated ride spiel. Only instead of “keep your arms and legs inside at all times” it was “fifty years on Earth”. I hadn’t even any time to adjust to the idea of an off world existence. The next morning I was loaded into a transporter stall, and woke up in the Ellis Island men’s toilet chamber. What a lovely awakening that was.

Where the hell is this guy? This shit always happens to me. I was going about just fine. Minding my own business, making a living the only way I knew how when those damned enforcers showed up; busted down my door without so much as a knock. Wearing nothing but under shorts and socks they paraded me down the hall, in wrist chains. One day I’ll get back home and spit on every one of ‘em. It’s not my fault I’m good at what I do. If the government paid better than methodized illegality, I’d work for them. But, the legitimate guys don’t pay as much, so I’m left with no choice. I got to watch out for me. Nobody I know would choose less money over more money. Nobody.

Wait. I think there’s someone coming. Three people heading my way. A man and a woman, with another woman behind them. Yup. The two in front are looking right at me. These must be my collectors. Why are there three of them? Am I that big a threat? I should be honored, but I’m almost useless without my individual electronic processor. I probably don’t need one correctional enforcer, let alone three.

The guy in front seems pretty normal. That thick brown hair must be a pain to keep clean in this god awful air. He’s pretty lean, though. Even with his long, dark brown, coat I can tell he doesn’t have much bulk to him. Not the ideal build for an enforcer. Hanging from one shoulder was his bag. He must be the all work, socially awkward, probably made fun of while growing up type.

The girl next to him said something, smiling. Her shoulder length, wavy red hair bouncing a little as she walks. Damn, she’s probably one of those cheerful, “I’m going to change your life you’ll see!” people. She’s got thick, black framed glasses and is carrying a white scarf and wool, navy blue, jacket. I can feel her sunshine and rainbows philosophy even at 15 feet away.

The one in the back was just walking. Straight faced, with her black leather jacket, and sunglasses still on. She also had a scarf. A black and red one. It’s must be pretty cold outside. Which means I’m going to freeze my ass off. Great.

The man spoke first, “Hello there, you must be...” he searches his pockets, looking for their orders to collect me no doubt.

The red haired girl just looks at me, slightly wide eyed.

“Kevin” the girl in the back says. “Kevin Brown.” She flips her long, very dark brown, hair off her shoulder then hands him the folded paper he was looking for. From what I can tell she hasn’t’ taken her eyes off me.

“Thank you” the man says, smiling at her. He takes the paper, unfolds it and reads the text. “Ah, yes. Is this you?” he asks, handing me the paper. It was identical to my identification card:


Kevin Brown

#355-27187-51

Earth

Ellis Island 02/26/27


I roll my eyes. “I guess so”.

“Do you have your ID card?” he asks.

“Oh, right” I pull it out of my gray pant’s pocket. Hopefully I can change out of my lock up clothes soon. The steel gray pants and tee-shirt were doing nothing to help my mood.

“All right” says the man, smiling at me. Handing it back he goes on “Everything seems to be in order. I’m William Roberts” he holds out his hand.

I shake it.

William turns to the young, red haired, woman. “This is Lauren Anderson”

“Hi there” she says. Also, shaking my hand. Her eyes are like perfect little chocolates.

“And this is Rebecca Tyler” William tells me, gesturing to the dark haired woman.

She didn’t shake my hand.

“Here” Lauren says, handing me a men’s, black wool jacket. “It’s cold as balls outside.”

I put it on, hoping it’s warm enough. I don’t need this day to get any more miserable.

“You’re welcome, now let’s blow this popcicle stand” Lauren tells me.

Her and William turn around and head toward the giant staircase. Rebecca steps aside, then jerks her head toward the others, telling me to move along. She’s got to be an enforcer. These other two are probably case managers or counselors.

What a fun-filled fifty years it’s going to be.

I catch up to the others, Rebecca follows behind me. As if I’m going to make a run for it. Where the hell would I go?

We reach the bottom of the stairs, and William opens the door for us. It’s bright outside. Too bright. I shield my eyes, but it’s almost burning right through my eyelids.

“Wear these” I hear someone say. It’s too much to open my eyes and find out which woman said it. I feel the pair of sunglasses pushed into my hand. Quickly putting them on, I blink back the water in my eyes.

William pats me on the back, he’s about three inches shorter than me. “It can take the eyes a little while to adjust to direct sunlight. And, don’t worry, that smell is normal.”

I notice it just as he says it. Oh God! What is that? It’s that grime smell from inside, only magnified by a hundred. I put the sleeve of my jacket over my hand and up to my nose. “What the hell is that?!” I ask them.

William inhales deeply. “That, my friend, is New York. The air quality isn’t really worse than home’s. It’s just... different. You’ll get used to it.” He points to a ferry docking at the edge of the island. “The ferry ride will help.”

“Are you kidding me?” I blurt out. “Off world transport, new air, and a rickety old sea cruise all in one morning?”

Lauren smiles at me. “Welcome to Earth.”

Earth.

I hate the word. I hate the idea. I hate that I’m boarding a beat up ferry for the, oh so fabulous, New York.

Toward the front, I sit on the first bench I find. Lauren trots up to the railing overlooking the water. William and Rebecca sit next to me. One on each side. What am I going to do, jump overboard? That’s the life of an offender, I guess. Never to be trusted again.

The vessel slowly lurches forward. It gains speed faster than I thought it could. The frigid sea breeze makes my nose run, but it does help with the smell.

Up front, Lauren stretches her arms out wide. Apparently, boat rides are her thing. She looks like a child. I hope she’s not supposed to be an authority figure.

“Will” Rebecca says “Go get her. It’s freaking freezing.”

“Good plan” he agrees. He jumps up and walks over to her.

I look over at Rebecca. She’s frowning. I let out a quiet scoff. “You look almost as pissed as I am.”

Her face snapped toward me. So much anger behind her emerald eyes.

Hold on.

Her eyes. I’ve only now noticed her sunglasses are gone. She looks me up and down. The anger quickly turns to annoyance as she shakes her head, then goes back to staring straight ahead.

“Do you want your glasses back?” I ask, reaching up to take them off.

“Keep them on” she replies, quickly. “Your eyes aren’t ready yet. Mine have had plenty of time to get used to it.”

“Exactly how long have you been here?” I wonder.

“Oh, diving right into the good stuff” Lauren said, as her and William return to the bench. Well, William sat on the bench. Lauren sat in front of me, on the ground. What a weirdo.

William takes over the conversation, “Good idea. There’s nobody around to hear us, so let’s get it out of the way. I’m forty four years old. I’ve been here thirteen of my thirty year sentence. One count of impulsive murder.”

“Wait, wait, wait” I interrupt. “You’re an offender?”

“Of coarse” William tells me.

I’m stunned. No wonder there was a total lack of professionalism.

“In a way, Kevin” he goes on “We’re all the same, Laura?”

She nods. “I’ve been here six years. Several counts of robbery, including the Royal Scepter of Incartan, a number of Plushio paintings, and endless bank jobs. Not too shabby for being a nineteen year old girl. They finally caught me at First International Bank, turned out my demo guy was in on it. He was offered a shortened sentence in exchange for my capture. It would have hurt less if I wasn’t sleeping with him. I guess that’s why they tell you not to get involved with coworkers. Any who, I refused to rat out my team, which landed me here.”

I’m stunned again. I had actually heard of this girl. “You’re the one who stole the Plushios?!”

She stands up and bows “The very one.”

“You stole from my boss! He was red in the face for days after you stole his precious Day at Sea painting.”

Lauren’s smile falls from her face. “Your boss was Pohlar Verikuss?”

“The mob-boss?” William asks, equally shocked.

“Um, yes my employer was Mr. Verikuss, and what’s a mob-boss?” How was I ever going to learn new jargon for every little thing?

Their moods lightened a bit (except Rebecca’s, hers never changed in the first place) William smiles “Sorry. Here methodized illegality is referred to as organized crime, or if using slang: the mob.”

I slump against the bench. “How the hell am I supposed to relearn English? None of this shit is fair.”

“Oh, tsk tsk. Language Mr. Brown” Lauren says to me, her sarcasm already past irritating.

“Are you guilty of what you were accused of?” Rebecca asks, not turning to face to me.

Of coarse I am. There isn’t a shred of innocence left in me. If there was even any to begin with. “I’m here aren’t I?” I say.

Slowly, she looks over to me. “I didn’t ask if you were found guilty. I asked if you actually are guilty.”

I try to stare her down. Glaring into those piercing green gems, I do my best to intimidate her.

She doesn’t budge.

“Yes” I tell her.

“Then it’s perfectly fair” she states.

William, breaking the tension says “There’s still some ferry ride left, why don’t you give us your story, Kevin?”

Fine. I’ll tell my unfortunate tale. “I was arrested for murder by other means.”

Lauren furrows her brows. “By other means?”

I smile “I’m a hacker. Pohlar hired me to take out unwanted people by using everyday things. You know, so they really do look like accidents. One I caused to be in a fatal auto conveyance smashup. I hacked into the city’s intersection control, tweaked a few lights to go when they shouldn’t, and timed it with high speeds.”

“They’re called cars” Lauren interrupts.

I roll my eyes at her. “I could do just about anything. They were delicate operations, but all successful. Nineteen successful kills, all without ever leaving the comforts of my tenement.”

William stops me and says “Apartments. Tenements are apartments here.”

“Nineteen?” Lauren asks.

“In three years” I add.

“Damn” she says. “You don’t seem to be bothered a bit by having killed nineteen people.”

I shrug “I’m not. Why do I care if these people live or die. It’s not like I know who they are.”

Lauren stands up. “What about their families? What if they had children?!”

Uh oh. I think I woke the beast.

The ferry slowed. “Not my problem” I tell her.

She was speechless, now. It feels kind of good to have upset one of them. This happy family setting was too much for me.

We all stood up as the boat stopped. William was the first to speak “Let’s all go home, yeah?”

He walked to the ramp that led off the ferry and into New York. I follow him. Lauren stays behind with Rebecca.

New York

There are people everywhere. I hate people. They’re the reason I stayed locked up in my tenement (apartment, I mean).

From behind me I hear Rebecca “Laura, do you think you can rustle us up some subway fare?”

“By the looks of all these tourists, not a problem.” she answers.

“Meet us at South Ferry Station” Rebecca tells her.

I look over my shoulder and see Lauren nod, then dive into the crowd.

“Let’s keep moving, then” William says to us.

We do. There are so many people, so many sights, and so many smells. William walks fast, but I keep up. Maneuvering between bodies is all I can concentrate on.

William suddenly stops, he turns to me and says “Here we are.”

I look up and see a sign reading South Ferry Station. “Underground rail?” I ask him.

“Or the subway, as it’s named here” he informs me. “Now we just wait for Laura .”

The wait was shorter than I thought it would be. It’s only been fifteen minutes, and she’s heading this way. That blaze of hair is unmistakable.

She nods to us, and we make our way down, to the subway.

This train is a joke. It smells different than outside, but not better. There are people here too. There seem to be people every which way I turn.

“The ride’s not far” William says. “Why don’t we sit down?” he motions to a few empty seats.

We sit.

Lauren looks to William, “I got enough for dinner tonight too. So you want to eat first or go home first?”

Please let it be to take me home first. I’m not hungry, and I could use a break from the thousands of people.

“Home” Rebecca answers her. “Kevin needs a change of clothes, and to relax.”

William nods “I agree. Let’s stay in tonight. Pizza and some down time.”

Thank God.

We ride the rest of the way in silence.

“We’re the next stop” William finally says to me. “Then home is only a few blocks away.”

I nod.

We get off the train, walk up the stairs and into the fresh (if you can call it fresh) air. The farther we get from the subway, the fewer people I see. I realize the sun is getting lower in the sky. My transport must have been a long one.

A couple of blocks later, I see a brown, dingy building. Little tiny balconies are scattered along the side of it, with ladders connecting them.

William opens the thick metal doors leading inside, and steps back for us to go through.

“Home sweet home” Lauren says as she walks past me, and into the building.

I take off the sunglasses and follow her in.

We walk up four or five flights of stairs. I lose count, starting to realize how tired I am. William leads us down a hallway to a door at the very end. He pulls out a ring with three keys, from his pocket. Selecting the slightly larger key, he inserts in into one the lock, then a smaller key into the lower keyhole on the doorknob. Opening the door, he walks in. Then Lauren. Then me. As always, Rebecca brings up the rear, then closes the door behind her. She re-locks both locks, and a chain at the top.

Great. Must be a bad part of town.

“What is this?” I hear William say.

I walk down the short entry hallway, and into an open room with two chairs, a sofa, and a few lamps. Around the corner, on the other side of the wall of the entry way, is a little kitchen. It looks old and the wooden table and chairs have definitely seen better days. It does, however, smell like food. It smells good. Maybe I am a little hungry.

At the stove, stirring something in a pot, is another man.

Lauren smiled and ran over to him. “James! You’re the best!” she says hugging the young man. He had more muscle than William. His physique was toned, but not massive. His hair was the color of sand, and kind of shaggy.

“I had a free night” he says “so I thought I’d come over and do dinner for ya.”

Lauren smacks him on the ass. “You’re the best!” she says again.

William walks over to me. “James, meet the new guy. This is Kevin. Transported in this evening. Kevin this is James.”

James strides over, and shakes my hand. “Hey. I hope you’re hungry.” He smiles at me.

I half smile back, and leave it at that.

“You’re a good man, James” William says.

“It’s pretty much done. Knock yourselves out” James replies.

William and Lauren peel off their coats and drape them over the wooden chairs. I take mine off, but hold on to it, not really sure where to put it.

“Let’s show you around” Lauren says to me. She takes my coat and leads me to a room on the other side of the kitchen. “This is where you’ll sleep” she tells me. It’s small. The walls are gray, and there are two mattresses on the floor. “Will sleeps in here too. It’s not much, but it’s better than what others have.”

She throws my coat on the mattress farthest from the door, that’s under a window. “And, out here” she continues, walking out of the room, to a white door just outside it. “is the bathroom.” She opens the door. Inside is a toilet, and bathing basin with a shower.

“Toilet chamber equals bathroom?” I ask.

“Yes” she answers. Then, she points to the room across from mine. The door was open and I see two other mattresses on the floor. “That’s where us girls sleep. Cozy isn’t it?” she giggles. “You saw the living room, and there’s a fire escape outside the window in there. That’s it. Let’s eat!”

“Do you want to change first?” I hear William ask me.

“Oh, yeah” I say.

“There’s a tee shirt and a sweat shirt on my bed for you. We’ll have to get you pants tomorrow, seeing as you’re not quite my size” he chuckles.

“Right” I say, and go into the little room to change.

I close the door, and immediately throw off my lockup tee shirt. On William’s bed I see a brown tee-shirt. It says The Beatles in white writing. I shrug. Whatever that means.

I leave the sweat shirt, not needing it, and head for the door. As I grab the doorknob I hear Lauren speaking.

“How long do you think he’ll stay with us, Will?” I hear.

Damn, these are some thin walls.

“Too soon to tell” I hear William answer.

“He’s freaking me out” she says, lowering her voice. “You heard him about not being sorry for killing all those people. It’s like he has no feelings...”

I, silently, open the door, hoping to catch them talking about me. I hate people talking about me.

“Just remember” William tells her “some people don’t feel enough, while others feel too much” then he nodded toward Rebecca, as she plopped down in one of the living room chairs. “Everyone handles their emotions differently.”

What is that supposed to mean? I step out of my room, and close the door. The sound causes William and Lauren to turn around.

William grins. “Shall, we eat?”

I nod.

We go back to the kitchen and sit down at the square wooden table. One of the chairs from the living room was pushed up to it so we could all fit. It was crowded.

Five bowls, five spoons and five glasses of water were already there. I watch as James pours soup into all of the bowls. Now, I’m really hungry.

“Becca!” James calls. “Come and eat.”

“Just a minute” she answers, from the living room. A personal electrical processor was on her lap. It looks a little different from the one I had at home. But it was definitely an electrical processor.

James leaves the table and goes over to her. He closes the processor, and sets it on the couch next to her. “Please? You can do that later” he says. He takes her arm and pulls her to her feet.

She sighs, then comes to the table.

James follows, sitting next to her.

I eat quietly. The others talk about their days, their lives. Lauren makes an inappropriate joke about a politician. I don’t know who he is, so I don’t get it. I’m not worried about it, though. I’ll have fifty years to get it.

After the soup (which wasn’t so bad) James starts clearing up the dishes.

Rebecca stands up too “I’ll help you, before I go to work” she tells James.

Lauren trots over to the sofa. “I figure we better show Kevin how to check in” she says.

“Bring the computer over here” William says.

She picks up the electrical processor, and brings it with her, back to the kitchen. Setting it down in front of me, she opens it up.

“Computer” I say. “Different name, but finally something I can understand.”

William smiles “James, our new fellow here is also a computer guy, quite like yourself.”

“Wait until he gets a load of Interface” James replies over his shoulder from the sink.