Destiny?

So the school thing didn't happen for Spring 2011. But all is well.

I was really fighting with myself when it didn't happen. I was so pumped, and felt like my "plan" was so right. I was headed in the right direction, and things were going to fall into place. Then, it didn't happen. My paperwork didn't get to me in time, and there was not a damn thing I could have done about it. I panicked. Was this the Fate's way of telling me not to go to school? Was this not meant to be after all? Am I destined to be a bum with a head full of dreams and the gumption for nothing? I really, 100% fully felt it was the Gods telling me I may never amount to anything.

Then! Things took a most interesting turn. The other day, whilst doing nothing particularly worthy of note, I was conversing with mine cousin Andrea. You all remember her. She's the extremely photogenic one, only six months my junior. Any who, I was explaining how I was already thinking of changing my major to art history being as now I had time to lose some focus and think (thinking is bad for me, gets me into trouble). She wondered what I was to do with such a degree in Utah. Perfectly legitimate question. I answered with a laugh and a "girl, I'm not staying in Utah, I'm moving."

"Where?"

"Anywhere! Probably Europe."

There was her light bulb. Bam! You can go places.

Thus, a whole new plan was born.

Destiny isn't stopping me from going to school. I was only being postponed so Andrea could join me. And, that's exactly what she's going to do. We're going to learn, live, and get degrees together.

Now we just need to put all out little brilliant ducks in a row, and our new lives will unfold before us. We're so excited to go to school and learn about the things we love, while securing our future well being.

It's kind of funny. I was so afraid of going back to school, and taking on the overwhelming project of a successful life. Then, I was even more terrified of it not happening, no matter how hard I fought for it. And, now, I'm back to being excited and hopeful. Not only that, I've got someone who'll have my back (and I hers) when things get rough and frightening. Which, they will. Destiny knew I needed a little extra strength, and apparently, someone else did two. Now, we've got each other and we can take on the world. In fact... We're planning to.

Look out!

Intuition

It has come to my attention that several people are misusing their intuition. A harsh judgement, but quite possibly true. I include myself in this blatant accusation, mind you. How many times have you scolded yourself saying "I knew I shouldn't have done that..." or "I knew that was going to happen..."? Think about it for a moment.

I present to you my theory of misused intuition. People have the "gut feeling" telling them to do or don't do certain actions, make this decision or the other, even fight or flight. We don't, however, actually heed the advice of our inner selves. We think we use our intuition (hence the "I knew that was going to happen!" thought), but truthfully we're only acknowledging the feeling. After our heart nudges at us we go on and charge full steam ahead in the OPPOSITE direction. Then we curse ourselves and shake our head saying "I should have gone with my gut".

Only the other day, I caught myself doing it. I was faced with a sort of dilemma, and "knew" what I should do, but other reasons told me to take the chance. Consciously, I thought, "I have impeccable intuition telling me not to do this... But how will I know, unless I try?"

Then, it hit me. How was I going to know if my intuition was right, unless I tested it. Bam! THAT'S why we don't "listen" to our gut feelings. We want to prove whether we're "right" or not. So many of us would rather know whether our intuition is correct, than avoid strife by listening to it.

Heed my words, all five of you, forget about the fact that your intuition may be spot on; listen to it. Choose to think "my heart tells me to do this" instead of "my heart told me to do that".

All this seems a little confusing now that it's in print. *shrug* Just thoughts.

Any who, enough of that. On to other things...

I've accomplished 14 of my "25 Things to do before I turn 26" list. Pretty proud of myself, actually. I've done more than I figured I would. It makes me laugh a little, some of the things I haven't done are things I was almost certain I wouldn't have a problem with; others I've done are things I didn't think would be touched. Go figure. I'm still working on it, though. Hoping to get one or two more things crossed off.

I'm collecting vintage teacups now. Good ones. None of them matching. I've dubbed it "The Teacup Project". It includes an entire plan of constructing a display for them and throwing real live tea parties. I feel good about it.

Oh! I'm thinking of a different major for school. I know, I know, I haven't started classes yet and I'm already thinking of changing it up. *shakes head* Did you actually expect me to commit to something? Silly readers... Art history and/or psycology are the studies up for consideration, in case you were wondering.

I got a new day planner... It's pretty spiffy.

I think that's about it for my boring life. I partially apologize for the rant on intuition. Wait... Strike that. I apologize for nothing. NOTHING.

Alright, alright. I'll let you get back to your lives now. Peace out.

It's the 10th...

... and I'm supposed to be starting classes today.

I'm not, however.

Thank you University of Utah and/or United States Postal Service for dragging your feet. It must feel nice to have so much power over one tiny person's future.

2010

Events that occured during 2010:

• Dressed up like a Sith Lord
• Joined a support group
• Finished a writing piece
• My golden birthday
• Received my first set of tools and tool belt
• Fell in love with a new Doctor
• Got a frog
• Landed a job in retail
• Left my job in retail
• Had my cards read and learned a lot
• Vacationed at a condo on the beach
• Chopped my hair off
• Met people from Denmark
• Regained an uncle
• Hiked to a waterfall
• Kicked ass at laser-tag
• Went to the fair
• I voted
• Got bangs
• Read 14 books
• Saw 2 good movies
• Carved a pirate into a punkin
• Survived a "blizzard"
• Fought the Matrix
• Made a new friend
• Decorated 4 Christmas trees
• Experienced* a lunar eclipse on the Winter Solstice
• Gave a dog a shot
• Was accepted into college
• Hugged more than one tree

*Meaning I waited outside until 2:00 a.m. for the snow to stop and the clouds to break. I never actually "saw" the eclipse.

Crazy Kim

So!

With all of the hullabaloo surrounding this Yule season, I am in the process of going back to school. This you already know. I just wanted to "say it out loud".

My Christmas gifts are done, wrapped, under the tree and/or mailed. Bim bam boom! I can rest easy and bake cookies. Not! What I'm going to do is bite my nails and pull out my hair whilst trying to gather funding for school. Joy to the world, indeed.

I really am in a rather merry mood, considering. I have a roof over my head, cookies in my belly, and four (that's right FOUR) Christmas trees. And, while school is already stressing me out, I take comfort in the fact that I'm going to be stressed until it's finished. Therefore, "can't change it, so go with it". Ride the wave, so to speak. It's fine.

I do feel the need to add, however, that I really am quite insane for taking on the challenge of starting school during the holiday season. I know you are all giving me that eye roll/head shake thing, and I don't blame you. In fact... Now that I reflect, I welcome it. Proving to people that I'm crazy and it works is delightfully amusing. You know... "Being Impossible"? It's right there in the title.

Yes, we are in the height of Christmas/Yule madness; and yes, I am starting the seemingly never ending process of my education simultaneously. Yes, I'm probably biting off more than I can chew.

But, I have a big mouth and the patience to chew for a long time. So, I got this.

That... was a weird metaphor. *shrug*

Um, I'm Going to College

I think.

Well, I'm pretty sure I am. I mean, I applied and am probably paying the application fee tomorrow. So... I guess I am.

For the last little while (or my whole life) I've felt this nagging pull to be more. Do more. To choose a career, and a lifestyle, that gives back. Not really a "I want to help people" kind of song, but more of a "I can do better and fight for good things" roar.

Which is exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to major in international studies, and go on to be awesome. It's literally going to be "look out world, here I come!" I'm tired of sitting at home, watching TV, wishing I was a great success. Therefore, I'm going to make my own success. I'm not too old. I'm only a little bit old.

I'm going to march right through a degree. I'll have a bachelor's degree before I'm 30. That's right, you heard me. 30. I got this. I'm not at all worried. It may suck some days, but I'll be alright. My focus is there and it's good.

Another reason I've chosen this incredibly grueling education path, is my non existent love life. I'm going to marry my career. I could get a regular job, continue to develop my social circle, find "Mr. Right" (gag me) and live in West Jordan with our SUV. Or! I can say "suck it" and decide on a noble career, that will make me happy. Then, I can spend my time, at a job I love, making myself feel important. If I happen to meet someone along the way, that'll be fine. If not, I'll be happy and significant on my own, and all will be well.

I want to be successful, I want to love what I do, and I want to do something incredible.

Balls to the walls, I'm going for it.

Instead of Going to Bed...

... I'm going to tell you about my life.

For the past four days I've been actively writing. Yesterday I felt like I lost the ability to blink. Doing a little better today. I only wrote for half the day, and cut down to three cups of coffee (instead of four and two cans of Diet Pepsi). I may, repeat may, post a bit of what I'm working on at a later date. I'm also "officially" looking for a job. Part-time. I'm 100% sure full-time work will be a bad idea at this time. However! I should be able to handle part-time successfully. I don't want retail. If any of you were about to suggest that, just let the idea float on by. I'll even allow you to wave at it. I hate working on holidays. I like to spend those occasions with my loving (albeit LOUD) family. Retail sees that as some sort of taboo behavior. You know what job I want? Pam's. She works as a receptionist for Dunder Mifflin. I want her job.

... I'm going to yammer on and on about Doctor Who.

It's just the best freaking show to ever be thought of. Ever. I would give my life to have the Doctor grab me by the hand and say "run!" Although all that running would probably kill me. Therefore, flitting away with a mysterious time travelling, know it all, alien actually would cost me my life. Hmm... Nope, still don't care. It'd be worth it.

... I'm going to complain.

I feel I have a little bit of a right to rant about my social life. Only because I really have been trying to gain a better one; or one AT ALL rather. Any who, I'm going to my weekly group, I went to a real live party for Halloween, and if I'm invited to some sort of event or social activity I say "yes" without even thinking about it. And what have I achieved with all of this mediocre work? Zip and zilch. Lame. I'm bumming myself out. You've heard enough of this, anyway.

... I'm going to review some books!

I've finished the Vampire Lestat awhile ago. Did I tell you how gorgeous that novel was?! If so, you're going to hear it again. My fellow readers, the story is not only beautiful in itself, but beautifully told. I can't put it away on the bookshelf because I just want to look at it, and remember the good times. I'm also in the middle of Alexandre Dumas' The Three Musketeers. I am so pleasantly surprised by the personality within the writing. It's actually pretty funny. I catch myself chuckling with D'Artagnan on his gentlemanly adventures. It's glorious!

I... guess that's it. Peace out bloggers!