Sigh...

Tonight I watched an excellent movie with my awesome roommate Jenn. While watching, an interesting thought reached me. Neither Jenn nor I have a "boyfriend". I don't even have a prospect. In fact it's been so long I don't even remember what a prospect feels like. Sad, yes. As the movie was playing I was thinking how nice it would be to watch it with a "special someone". I then reflected on how Jenn was most likely thinking the same thing. That is when said thought came about:

"Why is it you're still lonely when you're not alone?"

I'm surrounded by people most of my days and it's still not enough. Frankly, it pisses me off. I feel like I'm asking for my cake and wanting to eat it too. Am I? Am I undeserving? Is it because I refuse to settle that I'm a party of one...? I don't "flirt". I think it's insincere and I like to be genuine when I'm talking to someone. I hate playing those kinds of games, but maybe that's the only way. Coyness and trickery are how you start a relationship. "True love" begins with a false pretense? That makes no sense. I suppose that's the problem. I refuse to give in to borderline devious actions for companionship. I prefer honesty. 

I guess I'm putting the cart before the horse a bit, though. As I said, I don't even have a possibility right now. The one person I might (I'm not even sure if I do) have a "crush" on is so unfeasible I laugh at myself when I even think about thinking about him. At the risk of sounding cliche, it's not fair. Maybe some people really are doomed to lives of solitude. Never to be rescued. I know, I know. Shut it. I could be bringing you all down with me. This misery does NOT love company. So I'll leave you all and proceed with my wallowing silently. Rest beckons anyway. I'll lose myself in a deep slumber. I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning. Yadda yadda yadda... 

Namarie melloneamin.

P.S. Sorry for the bumming outness of this blog. A girls gotta vent somewhere.