Single and Shameful

Yes... Yes... I've been away.

Not really sure why. Blogging just didn't come easy for awhile. But! I'm feeling the blog bug again, so here I am.

Still single. Try to hold back your shock. *sarcasm*

Really, though. It freaking sucks being a tad bit older than all the other single LDS girls. I'm 27 and feel like a complete failure for not being married. One of the reasons I left the Single's Ward, if you want the truth. I shouldn't feel like I'm failing or doing something wrong. ESPECIALLY at church. It sucks the spirit right out of you when someone shakes your hand and says "so... seeing anybody...?". No. As a matter of fact I'm not seeing anybody. Thank you for taking what little self esteem I had left. The house of the Lord is not the place to be feeling bad about yourself. It's also not the place for people to be telling you you're doing something wrong if you're not dating. Not everyone fits into the perfect Mormon cookie cutter life. Some of us need things other than husbands. I, for one, need to be ridiculously careful in selecting an "eternal companion". It'd be nice if some of our church leaders recognized that and respected us enough to at least pretend to support our life choices. Really! It'd be a breath of fresh air, just once, to have a Bishopric member say "keep doing what you're doing, you're living a good life and making good choices" instead of asking "why aren't you dating anyone?"

Please don't misunderstand me. I really do get that marriage is important. I know and understand it's a priority to strive for and to work towards. But, I'm doing everything that I can. I put myself out there. I go to activities. I "participate". It's not my fault I'm not asked out on dates. I work hard at looking my best. I smile. I live the way I want my future spouse to live. I try to be the kind of person I want him to be. It really can't be my fault that I'm not pretty enough, or cool enough, or smart enough for guys to notice. What more am I supposed to do? I must be doing something wrong, because you keep telling me I am.

I know someone who heard a church speaker say that men are a menace to society if they're over 26 and unmarried.

And, we wonder why there's such a high suicide rate.

Stop. Just stop. I left the Singles ward because I felt like a failure. A church leader should NEVER infer that someone is a failure. EVER. Got that? NEVER EVER.

Please.

Please just stop it.

I shouldn't walk out of sacrament meeting holding back tears. Christ and Heavenly Father love me despite the fact that my Facebook's relationship status may forever be labeled "single". Don't they? You pressuring me to find someone makes me question that. And, that scares me. This child is loved just as much as His married children. Please tell me I'm right about that...

But! I left that ward. I'm back at my home ward and feeling much better about my spiritual ways. They shanghaied me into joining the ward choir, and a few weeks ago I was called to teach the wee little Sunbeams. Now, I'm freaked out in good ways. In ways that will help me to learn things, and better myself. Not in ways where I end up hating who I am.

So this rant ended up being a long one. My bad. I don't mean offense to the wonderful Bishopric I had. I really do love them, and miss them. They love all of us and only want what's best. The best thing for me, was to leave. I will still be forever grateful for all they've done for me. I'll love them forever.

Hopefully, one day, I'll be able to report some good news on the dating front. Until then, we'll just talk about other things, shall we?

Good night all...