Farewell... I Guess

I'm pretty sure the young man I spoke of before is gone. Buh-bye, have a nice life, go to hell, peace out, gone. While I'm not entirely sure what happened, I'm assuming it has something to do with the wedding I invited him too and/or something that may or may not have been said by a mutual acquaintance.

I've got to be honest, I'm a little sad about it. It's been so very, very, long since I've been smitten with a boy. For me to "like a guy" who "likes me back" is... rare. There have only been a few of these isolated events. I can count them on one hand. And, I don't even need the whole hand!

Through my entire, solitary, existence I've told myself to recognize certain behaviors and get out if said behaviors show themselves. Therefore, I have decided to cut him loose. Even though he is the one who, quite suddenly, refused all "hang outs" and then stopped responding at all, I'm going to let him. With a heavy heart, I'm not going to cause a struggle. He wins.

And now, this weekend, I'm going to attend my cousin's wedding. Surrounded by family (who harbor feelings that I'm a homo because I never seem to have a date) and couples both young and old. Not to mention I've never been camping without Grandpa. I'm not looking forward to hanging out where I spent many a summer with my grandpa, and him not being there.

I'm finding there are many elements of this weekend weighing my down:

• No Grandpa where he should be
• Happy pairs of people scattered about
• Family members who are "concerned" about me
• Booze everywhere

The above issues are the reasons I invited my gentleman friend to accompany me. For once, it would be nice to enjoy myself at one of these events. To not feel awkward, or to have someone to snicker with. Maybe, dare I say, take a walk with or hold my hand if I'm feeling overwhelmed. I guess it's just not meant to be.

And you know what? I really and truly don't think he even cares. He's just fine in watching me walk away. Shit, he probably won't even watch. In fact, if he reads this (he won't) he'll be relieved. "Ha ha, dodged that bullet."

I'm sad about it, though. Don't know why and I hate myself, but I'm sad.