Too Much

I know that it hasn't been THAT long since my last post but, I feel like so much is happening. In actuality, not that much is going on. Wake, bum around, go to work, eat, sleep, repeat. Not bad, right? It's not bad however, my mind is taking over and thinking every moment of everyday at 12,000 miles an hour. I can't stop. It appears as though I have. Watching a movie, playing a video game, sitting in the break room... My brain will not shut up!! It just goes and goes and goes! And then, it goes some more. Now, on normal accounts this isn't a problem. This actually happens quite often. Why do you think I'm on medication? Anywho, my thoughts are on three specific items this go round and I know they will not lay to rest until worked out (which will take a significant amount of time). So, I figured I would try to silence the arguing within my soul by burdening all of you with my issues.

Issue #1

Work

I love my job. I love what I do. I love actually doing it. 

I don't love management. I don't love the "quality" of the WDW company. I don't love how little they care about me, or my safety, or my mental stability. I don't love how I could be without a job in January. I don't love how I have to be there a year to apply for FMLA. I don't love feeling my soul die a little every time I check my schedule. 

I keep telling myself I'll be alright, that I have options, But I don't. 

"You can go to Universal" I say. Then I remember that my roommate has auditioned with Universal on three different occasions in vain. I also remember that the economy is bad or whatever anyway. 

"There's a Hooters down the street" I say. Then I remember that I hate working in food. It's gross. Speaking of gross, my body isn't quite in shape enough, yet. And, again, economy.

"You can switch to Disneyland" I say. My number one choice, might I add. Then I remember they aren't holding any auditions anytime soon, or, at all for that matter. So... no good.

"You can always move back home" I say. Then I remember that, other than my family, there is nothing for me back home. I escaped the bubble, why would I go back?

So, as you can see, my list of choices isn't really a list. It's really a blank piece of paper. A green piece of paper, so it's a little awesomer, but still blank. 

Issue #2

Boys

I'm only going to say a few things here because I am sick of talking about it and I'm sure you're all sick of hearing about it. 

I'm mad as hell at myself and I'm mad as hell at the Fates for offering me this hand. I mean no disrespect. I'm grateful for the destiny that was laid before me. I go willingly. It's just painful and difficult. But, it's who I am. I can't change it and I don't want to. Therefore, I don't know why boys waste their time with me. It only ends badly for both of us. It always has.

Issue #3

Christmas

This is the first year EVER that money has been an issue. EVER. I've always said Christmas isn't about money or gifts. But when you want to make your loved ones happy by getting them the perfect something and can't, you're sad. Especially when they're far away, your gift is that much more special. I'm just sad that I' working my ass off and have nothing to show for it. I love my family dearly and want them to have pride in my Christmas efforts, but they won't. I suck.

There you have it. I guess I'm bummed. 

Namarie melloneamin