The Effects of Coffee

I really should avoid the stuff, yet... The taste is so divine. I simply can't stop myself. I pay dearly, though. My mind finds coffee anything but divine. It thinks it pure anxiety fuel. And it is. Much to my dismay, coffee not only energizes me physically, but mentally and emotionally. Therefore, my thoughts are so many they are now spewing into my blog. 

I'm still scared to death about what the future holds (or doesn't, for that matter). There are so many things I want to do. And so many of them I can't. It's devastating, really. I have no idea of my destiny, no idea of my fate, no idea of my path, calling or reason d'etre (ha! The Gods only know if I spelled that right in english). What I want to do most is either unavailable or I no longer have the ability. It's most disheartening. Speaking of heart... Mine is still broken. I suppose it's never healed. The pieces are scattered. Some pieces aren't even accessible. And it's Christmas, so it seems to be magnified. Bah!! No more on that. 

As I was saying, some sort of decision needs to be made. I'm not going to be one who's life is Disney. It's just a job. I won't spend twenty years here. Nope. Not me. I'm well aware that I have just been complaining about all of this for some time now, but until mid January-ish there is nothing I can do. Oh... What to do...?

I'm watching Bedknobs and Broomsticks. It's cute.

Namarie melloneamin