New Year...?

I'm not really sure how I feel about the new year so far. I've never been a fan of "new year's" in the first place. I sometimes wonder if the success of your year is dependent upon the awesomness of your new year's eve festivities. You see, new year's eve 2008 was AMAZING. Simply AMAZING. I mean... that was the birth of GONG and the night Danielle and I learned to time travel (you HAD to be there). Does it get any better than that?! No, my friends, it does not. Anywho, following the most wondrous 2008 celebration came one of the best years of my life. I did more in 2008 than I what I thought possible, some of those things I never thought I would be able to even attempt in my lifetime. It was a good year. 2008... The year of Kim. 

Now, if my 2008 was a direct result of my fabulous new year's eve, I can only wonder of the horrors to come in 2009. My new year's eve consisted of me leaving a party in which I knew a total of two people by 10:45, hitting a poor innocent raccoon (who sadly didn't make it to see 2009) then, arriving home to see Jenn and her new boyfriend being all cuddly on the couch. I also feel the need to add that on Jenn's door her whiteboard said she was excited to celebrate naked new year's. What the crap is going to happen in my life while 2009 runs it's course?! Doom, impending doom. I'm just saying...

Anywho... I have been absent from my blog as some of you have noticed (Mom). So I suppose I'll enlighten you with my life as of late. 

I am currently looking for new employment. No, I wasn't fired, I didn't quit, I wasn't laid off and NO, I'm NOT moving back home. My time with the company is quite possibly coming to an end and I think I'm alright with it. I'm feeling as if my life has reached a rut anyway. So, there you go. 

What else...? Ah, yes. Mom and Grandma are visiting in 18 and a half days. Woot woot!! And then... (oh yes, it gets better) Andrea is visiting a week after that! AWESOME. In the words of Amanda: "fully awesome!" I really need them right now. I miss my fam. They're terrible and drive me crazy, but I love 'em. 

*sigh*

We're not talking about 23 part deux at this time. So shut it. 

OH! I have news that many people find exciting. I have finally consented to read Harry Potter. My first book is due in the post at any moment. I must say that I am excited, even though it goes against one of my "statements". I suppose I'll have to come up with a new "statement" to take it's place.

There it is. My new year so far. I guess after this it's not a new year, but just a year. I hope I'm wrong in my theory of "new year's eve success = success of new year" because that would suck for me. And for the raccoons. 

Namarie melloneamin

What's a Girl to Do?

*sigh* 

I'm in love. He's a pirate.

He's the captain. Not a bad position of rank, in case you were wondering. The man can dress, too. He dresses himself VERY well. He's tall... And an older gentleman. Wise and clever as well.  An honorable man, he is. Arrogant as all hell, but I love him for it. He's passionate, driven and focused. And brave... Oh so brave...

I guess you can I say I'm hooked...

The Effects of Coffee

I really should avoid the stuff, yet... The taste is so divine. I simply can't stop myself. I pay dearly, though. My mind finds coffee anything but divine. It thinks it pure anxiety fuel. And it is. Much to my dismay, coffee not only energizes me physically, but mentally and emotionally. Therefore, my thoughts are so many they are now spewing into my blog. 

I'm still scared to death about what the future holds (or doesn't, for that matter). There are so many things I want to do. And so many of them I can't. It's devastating, really. I have no idea of my destiny, no idea of my fate, no idea of my path, calling or reason d'etre (ha! The Gods only know if I spelled that right in english). What I want to do most is either unavailable or I no longer have the ability. It's most disheartening. Speaking of heart... Mine is still broken. I suppose it's never healed. The pieces are scattered. Some pieces aren't even accessible. And it's Christmas, so it seems to be magnified. Bah!! No more on that. 

As I was saying, some sort of decision needs to be made. I'm not going to be one who's life is Disney. It's just a job. I won't spend twenty years here. Nope. Not me. I'm well aware that I have just been complaining about all of this for some time now, but until mid January-ish there is nothing I can do. Oh... What to do...?

I'm watching Bedknobs and Broomsticks. It's cute.

Namarie melloneamin

Too Much

I know that it hasn't been THAT long since my last post but, I feel like so much is happening. In actuality, not that much is going on. Wake, bum around, go to work, eat, sleep, repeat. Not bad, right? It's not bad however, my mind is taking over and thinking every moment of everyday at 12,000 miles an hour. I can't stop. It appears as though I have. Watching a movie, playing a video game, sitting in the break room... My brain will not shut up!! It just goes and goes and goes! And then, it goes some more. Now, on normal accounts this isn't a problem. This actually happens quite often. Why do you think I'm on medication? Anywho, my thoughts are on three specific items this go round and I know they will not lay to rest until worked out (which will take a significant amount of time). So, I figured I would try to silence the arguing within my soul by burdening all of you with my issues.

Issue #1

Work

I love my job. I love what I do. I love actually doing it. 

I don't love management. I don't love the "quality" of the WDW company. I don't love how little they care about me, or my safety, or my mental stability. I don't love how I could be without a job in January. I don't love how I have to be there a year to apply for FMLA. I don't love feeling my soul die a little every time I check my schedule. 

I keep telling myself I'll be alright, that I have options, But I don't. 

"You can go to Universal" I say. Then I remember that my roommate has auditioned with Universal on three different occasions in vain. I also remember that the economy is bad or whatever anyway. 

"There's a Hooters down the street" I say. Then I remember that I hate working in food. It's gross. Speaking of gross, my body isn't quite in shape enough, yet. And, again, economy.

"You can switch to Disneyland" I say. My number one choice, might I add. Then I remember they aren't holding any auditions anytime soon, or, at all for that matter. So... no good.

"You can always move back home" I say. Then I remember that, other than my family, there is nothing for me back home. I escaped the bubble, why would I go back?

So, as you can see, my list of choices isn't really a list. It's really a blank piece of paper. A green piece of paper, so it's a little awesomer, but still blank. 

Issue #2

Boys

I'm only going to say a few things here because I am sick of talking about it and I'm sure you're all sick of hearing about it. 

I'm mad as hell at myself and I'm mad as hell at the Fates for offering me this hand. I mean no disrespect. I'm grateful for the destiny that was laid before me. I go willingly. It's just painful and difficult. But, it's who I am. I can't change it and I don't want to. Therefore, I don't know why boys waste their time with me. It only ends badly for both of us. It always has.

Issue #3

Christmas

This is the first year EVER that money has been an issue. EVER. I've always said Christmas isn't about money or gifts. But when you want to make your loved ones happy by getting them the perfect something and can't, you're sad. Especially when they're far away, your gift is that much more special. I'm just sad that I' working my ass off and have nothing to show for it. I love my family dearly and want them to have pride in my Christmas efforts, but they won't. I suck.

There you have it. I guess I'm bummed. 

Namarie melloneamin

Apologies?

I just want to clear some things up about one of my earlier blogs titled "Oh Man..."

First of all I am not apologizing for any of it. One should never have to apologize for being honest. I mean, the only person I HAVE to explain myself to is myself and I already know. Just putting that out there. Now, back to the issue...

I do feel like I was misunderstood, by some, about what I was trying to say. I want to start with the fact that I was a bit (and by a bit I mean quite a lot) freaked out. People who know me well know that I freak out. It's in my nature. When high emotions are involved my brian goes into over-drive. There's a history as to why, which will not be discussed at this time, but there's a method to the madness. 

Boy mentioned in previous blog is a good guy. You should all know that by now. I just was just startled by dating. NOT him. He's not some creepy, moving too fast kind of guy. He just doesn't know me yet. Hopefully he'll get to know me. At the time I was in "Kim mode" which meant "WARNING! WARNING! Boy showing interest! Abort!". Who am I kidding?! I'm still in "Kim mode" but I'm fighting tooth and nail to keep a logical mind. Essentially, I'm trying not to freak out. "Oh Man..." was just me getting frustrations out. Yelling by means of a blog. I like to roar and I decided to roar in blog form. 

*shrug* I suppose that's all. Boy mentioned in previous blog is still around (because I know you were all wondering). He's cool and I'm taking it slow and getting to know him. So... There you go. 

Namarie melloneamin

Twilight

Yes, I saw it. Here is what I think.

*Disclaimer: Here be spoilers. Don't say I ruined it for you because I'm warning you right now that I'm not going to hold off on some opinions due the fact that I might "ruin it for you".*

It was good. I think the storyline transferred well from book to screen. We all knew we were going to lose chunks here and there, and there was only one instance I found disheartening. But, I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm going to start with the casting. I found the casting most excellent overall. Bella I felt would have been fine with a number of people, so I didn't really care. Edward definitely did a nice job. I think the origional actor suggested would have made me happier (Henry Cavill) but being awhward and sexy as hell at the same time is difficult so I will give him some definite kudos. Emmit was hilarious. Alice was what I expected as was Esme. Carlisle was fantastic, he played the father/leader role well and was oh so pleasant to look at also. Jasper.... Oh Jasper... I FREAKIN LOVED HIM. He was so awkward in that "I don't know how to be friends with my food" way. Adorable. Very Edward Scissorhands if you know what I mean. I want to snuggle him even more than I did when I read the book. He is officially my favorite vampire family member. OFFICIALLY. *sigh* Where was I...? Oh yeah, Rosalie. Nice job. So perfectly bitchy. Props to her. I like the way she channeled her bitchiness in a way that you understood why she harbored the hostility. Nice job, indeed. Jacob was another pleasant surprise for me. Very cute and really nailed the "I'm sorry, my dad is embarrassing" face. Great. James was so magically delicious. Just how I wanted him to be. We all know how I like the angry guy... And he was. The power behind him was astounding. I loved it. 

Alright, storyline. As I said before, I was satisfied with what was done plot-wise except for one teeny tiny little thing. They left out Jasper's extra ability. Why are you hatin' on my man?! I undertand that it may be difficult to show and/or do that in this film with there being so much already... But what are you going to do for the next movie?! "Oh, by the way, Jasper is special too, we forgot to tell you that." Hmm...

My other beef with the movie was the music choice. I really wanted some sort of instrumental theme throughout the story. But alas, I had to settle for different bands playing different stuff. Boo! I was really looking forward to a new instrumental soundtrack. Roar!! Sad times...

The kiss scene was beyond amazing. Nicely orchestrated and super hot. 

All in all I liked the movie for what it was: a movie made for the fans. I believe it pleased them and that's what I hope they were aiming for. No, this won't be studied at NYU film school, but it was entertaining with pretty people and inspiried a bit of hope for unlikely love. It also reminds us that high school boys are socially awkward and funny as hell because they think they're cool. 

I love Jasper.

Namarie melloneamin

Oh Man...

That's right. Oh man. Oh man oh man...

Men. They freak me out. Compliments compliments compliments. I HATE COMPLIMENTS AND FLATTERY. Period. Stop it. Stop it right now. Too much too fast. Don't call me princess, don't tell me how amazing I am. 

Officail proclamtion: If you've known Kim for less than a month or only gone on one date, don't "top friend" her on myspace or call her a princess or tell her she's the most amazing person ever. She doesn't like it. Never will. 

Why do the Gods send me these people? I once had a guy tell me he loved me before we went on our first date.  What?!  Yes! Here I am all over again. Why do people put all of their heart in so fast? What are you going to gain from that?! You're only going to get hurt. That's the only thing that can happen when you go THAT  fast emotionally. 

This is me freaking out. HE is freaking me out. I'm sorry if he reads this and it hurts him, but I need to get this out. And really, when you lay it on THAT thick THAT soon it's going to freak me out. 

I feel bad. I just don't see this working out. Plus, he's Catholic. Pagan + Catholic does not equal compatibility. He has no knowledge of my religion. And if he did, he most likely wouln't have asked me out in the first place. But this matter isn't even a matter right now. 

Thanks guys... Thank you for putting this guy's feelings in harm's way. And thank you for giving me even more reason to believe I'm doomed to an eternity of loneliness. Thanks guys... Thanks alot.

Oh man...